Disillusioned With God?

There are things we don't understand in this life, like seemingly senseless pain and suffering. Each one of us goes through hardships. And some hardships are indeed more debilitating than others.

What makes us disillusioned with God? It's different for each one. Today, or tonight in the wee hours of Eastern Standard Time in the US, I think of Judas. Judas was disillusioned with Jesus because Jesus didn't turn out to be who Judas thought he was. In his disappointment and despair, in his disillusionment, he betrayed Jesus for thirty pieces of silver.

We've all betrayed Jesus, we've traded in life for what we thought was life only to despair when we're left empty. When Judas realized what he had done, he despaired and committed suicide. I still wonder if God would've given Judas a chance if he had, like Peter, repented--even though Jesus had said it'd be better for him (Judas) if he'd never been born.

We need to remember Judas--for our disillusionment with God, even if  it is temporary, can lead us to do great harm to ourselves and others. Like with other maladies of the soul, we need to remain in the body of Christ. This is true whether we are in sickness or in health.

We doubt and bring forth our disillusionment in a safe place (a safe part of Christ's body). Maybe we can't believe. Maybe we're just plain tired or even burnt out from serving God or from enduring much tribulation. What if Judas had shared his doubts, his disillusionment with the other disciples? What if he'd gone back to them after betraying Jesus? Jesus still had to die for our sins so that we might be saved. So maybe I am getting into too deep of waters too early in the morning hours.

I guess all I am trying to say is that we all become disillusioned with God when who he actually is flies in the face of who we think he is or think he should be. Whenever God dethrones the graven images of himself that we've erected, we are disillusioned. We become disillusioned also when life doesn't turn out the way we think it should and we blame God.

My encouragement for our disillusionment is to go to people we trust within the body of Christ. Even if we can't believe or accept what they say in love, we can accept the love they show to us. We can ask that God would have mercy on us. We can rest like Elijah did in the wilderness after having confronted the prophets of Baal. After one of his most spectacular moments, he became depressed and disillusioned. God took care of him. Elijah had to do nothing but rely on God and God's provision.

If you are disillusioned with God or life, I pray that you will not take drastic actions at this time. This is the time where you need to rest and allow God to take care of you. Pray for him to send some "ravens" into your life to care for you. Reach out and tell others (you can trust or think you can trust) about where you are at. Don't give up until you find a good wise soul.

God has not left you alone nor abandoned even though everything in you screams that he has. I pray for you as you read this. I pray that the turbulence inside of you would be calmed and that you would find rest for your souls as you take Jesus's yoke, or teaching, upon you.

Drowning Splashes

This is an observation made from Susanna over at Wishful Thinking:

"I was talking to Jonathan one night and he said the most interesting thing. He said, “It’s the drowning person who makes the most splashes in the water.” I thought about this for a long time. I’m still thinking about it. For so long I was drowning. I made a lot of noise. I splashed a lot. I didn’t want to slip silently beneath the waves. Some of this blog was about that for me. I desperately needed someone, anyone, to see, to know what I was feeling. I didn’t want anyone to have just a vague idea of my struggle. I wanted to capture it in words, pin it down long enough to name it. I think there were times when I did, but words always fall short. Words are never enough. The greatest griefs are silent. So I felt that I needed a period of re-examining the motivation for my words. I needed a period of stillness."

You can read more at: http://susanna-wishfulthinking.blogspot.com/

Disappointment with God - Dealing With It

"Though he slay me I will trust him." Job 13:15

There's a wide range of disappointment in our lives. Disappointment ranges from minor daily irritations and let downs to deep griefs that never really heal due to the death of loved ones or friends. What happens when wave upon wave batters our souls or families or churches or friends? How do we go on?

It's hard. It's hard not to throw in the towel, especially if we've been as faithful and obedient to God as we know how to be. It doesn't seem fair that we should endure long seasons of unanswered prayers, of grief and depression, when we've sought God with all of our hearts--yet it happens. It has happened to all the saints throughout history. We become disappointed in God's silences, in God's inaction. Disillusionment sets in. We find ourselves posing the question that the serpent in the Garden posed, "Did God really say?" and find that our trust in God is starting to slowly crumble.

I always wonder if I would've lasted as long as Job. Would I have given into despair and cursed God? Job suffered tremendously--physically, emotionally, and spiritually. But God gave him the grace to persevere even when everyone, including his wife and his friends were accusing him, saying he must of sinned and telling him to give up.

I suppose that by nature, I am easily discouraged or maybe just impatient. At my worst, I am impatient with myself, impatient with God, impatient with the sins of others and impatient with the Church. So when I think about it, I can see how God is teaching me patience and perserverance as I wait on him, as I am frequently disappointed that my answer to a particular prayer hasn't come. And when I think of it, my prayer is nothing. I am experiencing nothing compared to the millions who are suffering right now. If I capitulate to self-pity, I can see how selfish and self-absorbed I've become. Yet another reason God might have me waiting--purification.

But for those who are suffering and enduring God's silences, for those of us experiencing comparably minor disappointments and delays from God, for all of us, it is important that we continue to lean on the body of Christ--the Church. It is important that we continue to receive the means of grace that come through prayer, God's word, communion, and the spiritual disciplines. But if we find we cannot do any of these, we must confide in trusted people within Christ's body, so they can bear our burdens with us--so they can lower us through the roof as I posted a few days ago.

It is amazing to me that I've met people who have suffered far more than I have and they can still say, "Though he slay me, yet will I trust him." God gives us the grace to say that and mean that. So, I say it today with many of you, "Though he slay me, yet will I trust him."

May God's grace be poured into you today. And feel free to let me know if you need prayer brothers and sisters. I always welcome prayer on my behalf. That is the best gift I can receive from another and give to another. Amen.

Christ is our life

"For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory." Colossians 3:3,4

Early Easter Sunday morning billows of disappointment swept over me. The disappointing waves were courtesies of a storm that brewed for days. I just had to be in church even if I'd be alone; my husband and daughter had miserable colds.

I stepped out of the house into a glassy blue sky, drenched by sunshine. Ah . . . . I inhaled the crisp air. Refreshing. All of a sudden, I forgot my disappointments. After a 10 minute sunshiny drive, I slid into the back pew of a beautiful church I'd never attended.

There I heard chapter three of the epistle to the Colossians. The words "Christ who is your life" overtook me. I sat understanding that I was trying to squeeze life out of situations, and when these situations didn't produce the life I wanted, disappointment followed.

Lately I've been disappointed a lot.

Yet when I heard these verses anew, I realized anew that if Christ is my life, it doesn't matter what situations I find myself in. He who is my life will give me life in the midst of disappointment if I would but look to him for life, not circumstances. This truth is an idea I've comprehended but needed to experience afresh.

Running Ahead of God

“Give me my inheritance . . . .” (Luke 15:12)

Are you contemplating taking your inheritance and running off? Like the prodigal (Luke 15:12), you think, “My Father is just taking too long to give me the desires of my heart (Psalm 37:4). He is robbing me of enjoyment now.” You've prayed, searched the depths of your soul and have concluded that your desires are not sinful. So why is your Heavenly Father delaying? Thoughts like, “If I do not do this now it is not going to happen,” and “Maybe I just need to get the ball rolling” enter your mind. You have grown impatient. Don't do it! Don't snatch your inheritance and run off to the far country(Luke 15:13)! Perhaps you don't believe that taking action now would take you to the far country. But be warned! If the Father has not given you permission to go ahead, or if you are in the midst of doubt, by running ahead you would be acting out of unbelief and will not receive his blessing. Living in unbelief without his blessing is the far country away from your Father.

Do not be like the Israelites who tried to prematurely take their inheritance. After Moses warned them, “Do not go up, because the Lord is not with you. You will be defeated by your enemies . . . ” they disobeyed (Numbers 14:42). “Nevertheless, in their presumption they went up toward the high hill country, though neither Moses nor the ark of the Lord’s covenant moved from the camp. Then the Amalekites and Canaanites who lived in that hill country came down and attacked them and beat them down all the way to Hormah” (Numbers 14:43-45).

Again, if you're contemplating making a decision and know that you don't have the Lord’s blessing, stop! Do not presume upon the Lord. He wants you to wait on him and trust him to give you the inheritance he has for you at the proper time, lest you be beaten down. If he has not answered yet, he wants you to learn about him in the wilderness. Thereafter, you will be able to enjoy the land that flows with milk and honey (Numbers 13:27).