"Anyone who loves his father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves his son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me; and anyone who does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it." Matthew 10:37-39
I daily pledge to follow Christ closely. But now that he has given me a heavy cross, I balk. I realize that I wanted to pick and choose my cross. The cross that I am currently bearing isn't the one I would've selected. It's unbelievably harder than I imagined. I left all to answer this call, I sacrificed my Isaac, but now I'm complaining daily about it. I have a bad attitude.You know, I always thought I would've been Caleb or Joshua in the wilderness. Yet upon reflection, even though I never would've dreamed it possible, I am convinced that I would've died in the wilderness with most of the Israelites. Why? Because I've treated God with contempt by complaining which displays ugly unbelief.
When we ask God to give us our daily bread, one thing we are asking for is the nourishment that will provide the strength for us to carry our cross to our death. After he puts to death in us what he will, he'll raise us to new life. That's what I believe. That's what I remind myself of today. I need strength for today, tomorrow has enough evil of its own (Matthew 6:25-33).
"When we follow Jesus, it means that we don't know exactly what it means, at least in detail. We follow him, letting him pick the roads, set the timetables, tell us what we need to know but only when we need to know it . . . . When Jesus says 'Follow me' and we follow, we don't know where we will go next or what we will do next, that is why we follow the one who does know."--Eugene Peterson The Jesus Way p.240
Aug 18, 2009
The Art of Being Poor
The art of being poor is to trust in God for everything, to demand nothing--and to be grateful for all that is given.
John Chrysostom
John Chrysostom
Aug 17, 2009
Near Death Again...
I'm 31. But I think about death a lot. I am not morbid; what I mean is that I often think about the fact that every hour, every minute that goes by brings me a moment closer to my physical death. And I think things like, "Lord, what kind of life have I lived, and won't you live through me that I might make an eternal difference in this world? I am but dust, a passing breeze that does not return." I thought about death again Saturday night 8/15/09. Shawn and Iliana stayed home that night, because Shawn was preparing for a trip to Europe.
It had been a very full two weeks, as it is every year in preparation for students. I packed in four weeks of work into two weeks. On my way back from church on Rte. 72 a white chevy pickup truck stopped in front of me to turn left. As I waited for it to turn, I looked in my review mirror and realized that the old blue Suburban behind me, filled with four young people (in their late teens or early twenties that I had passed on a two-way earlier) didn't realize I stopped. I thought, "I'm a goner. I'll be smashed to a pulp into the rear end of that pickup." I estimated that they were traveling about 65mph. When they saw me and the truck in front of me, they swerved right to avoid me and oncoming traffic. They careened into the cornfield going very, very fast. As soon as the pickup swerved into the cornfield, I found a good spot and pulled over. I started to dial 911 and then heard the engine reving. Before I hit 'send' on my cell phone they backed out. I asked them if they were okay and they gave me a thumbs up sign. They drove away. Shawn and I drove by later on and he noticed that they barely missed being wrapped around the telephone pole. God spared my life and he spared theirs. I don't know anything about them. But I prayed for them. That Christ would be made real in them if they don't know him. And I thought about how God protected me again. It wasn't my moment to die. May Christ live his life through me, may his streams of living water flow through me into the lives of others. And I pray the same for you. We know not when we'll breathe our last. Amen.
It had been a very full two weeks, as it is every year in preparation for students. I packed in four weeks of work into two weeks. On my way back from church on Rte. 72 a white chevy pickup truck stopped in front of me to turn left. As I waited for it to turn, I looked in my review mirror and realized that the old blue Suburban behind me, filled with four young people (in their late teens or early twenties that I had passed on a two-way earlier) didn't realize I stopped. I thought, "I'm a goner. I'll be smashed to a pulp into the rear end of that pickup." I estimated that they were traveling about 65mph. When they saw me and the truck in front of me, they swerved right to avoid me and oncoming traffic. They careened into the cornfield going very, very fast. As soon as the pickup swerved into the cornfield, I found a good spot and pulled over. I started to dial 911 and then heard the engine reving. Before I hit 'send' on my cell phone they backed out. I asked them if they were okay and they gave me a thumbs up sign. They drove away. Shawn and I drove by later on and he noticed that they barely missed being wrapped around the telephone pole. God spared my life and he spared theirs. I don't know anything about them. But I prayed for them. That Christ would be made real in them if they don't know him. And I thought about how God protected me again. It wasn't my moment to die. May Christ live his life through me, may his streams of living water flow through me into the lives of others. And I pray the same for you. We know not when we'll breathe our last. Amen.
Aug 8, 2009
Forsaking Everything For His Own Prestige
"In the midst of a world of light and love, of song and feast and dance, [Lucifer] could find nothing to think of more interesting than his own prestige."
~ C.S. Lewis in A Preface to Paradise Lost
~ C.S. Lewis in A Preface to Paradise Lost
Jul 30, 2009
Fellow Believers: Our Brothers and Sisters and Enemies
"The Bible tells us to love our neighbors and also to love our enemies, probably because they're generally the same people."
G.K. Chesterton
G.K. Chesterton
Jul 25, 2009
Thought Provoking Words from George MacDonald
"Never did she question the truth of what she heard, and she became skilled in its arguments and forms of thought. But the more familiar one becomes with any religious system, while the conscience and will remain unawakened and obedience has not yet begun, the harder it is to enter into the kingdom of heaven. Such familiarity is a soul-killing experience."
~ from The Lady's Confession p. 62.
~ from The Lady's Confession p. 62.
Jul 24, 2009
Watching the Clock Tick Away
"Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much." Luke 16:10
This is a Repost from 7/2009
Last night as I lay in my warm bath, I was again wondering when God would fulfill a promise he made to me. I wonder about this promise much of the day everyday. And while I trust God that he will bring it about, I also do what is in my power to move towards this calling. But the waiting is diffcult and I wait in anticipation for the day when I'll no longer be waiting.
As I continued to lay there and ponder, the Lord brought this thought to me. "Marlena, your incessant pondering about this is like a student who sits in a classroom just itching for class to be over. All she does is glance up at the clock without really listening to what the professor is saying. Although present in the classroom, she is disengaged and learning nothing, all because her attention is on the clock--waiting for class time to wind down because she'd rather be somewhere else."
While my eyes are on the fulfillment of his promise, they are not on him. And I am therefore disengaged or not fully engaged with the rest of life. I am not fully paying attention to life right in front of me -- as if everything else in life doesn't matter as much as the fulfillment of the promise. That is idolatry, for I am loving the gift more than the giver. And I am missing out on so much. I must live the blessed life, not just ponder a future blessing yet to be revealed.
Who knows? God might take 25 years to fulfill his promise to me as he did with Abraham. Or it could be much sooner than I think. Only he knows when the fullness of time will be. Until then, I repent and ask God to give me the grace to be fully engaged right now. For as Jesus said, if he can trust me with the little of the everyday, he can trust me with very much. Can he trust me?
Note: This prayer is still unanwered and yet I seek to live in the sacrament of the present moment.
This is a Repost from 7/2009
Last night as I lay in my warm bath, I was again wondering when God would fulfill a promise he made to me. I wonder about this promise much of the day everyday. And while I trust God that he will bring it about, I also do what is in my power to move towards this calling. But the waiting is diffcult and I wait in anticipation for the day when I'll no longer be waiting.
As I continued to lay there and ponder, the Lord brought this thought to me. "Marlena, your incessant pondering about this is like a student who sits in a classroom just itching for class to be over. All she does is glance up at the clock without really listening to what the professor is saying. Although present in the classroom, she is disengaged and learning nothing, all because her attention is on the clock--waiting for class time to wind down because she'd rather be somewhere else."
While my eyes are on the fulfillment of his promise, they are not on him. And I am therefore disengaged or not fully engaged with the rest of life. I am not fully paying attention to life right in front of me -- as if everything else in life doesn't matter as much as the fulfillment of the promise. That is idolatry, for I am loving the gift more than the giver. And I am missing out on so much. I must live the blessed life, not just ponder a future blessing yet to be revealed.
Who knows? God might take 25 years to fulfill his promise to me as he did with Abraham. Or it could be much sooner than I think. Only he knows when the fullness of time will be. Until then, I repent and ask God to give me the grace to be fully engaged right now. For as Jesus said, if he can trust me with the little of the everyday, he can trust me with very much. Can he trust me?
Note: This prayer is still unanwered and yet I seek to live in the sacrament of the present moment.
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