Awake and Alert

Since February 21st, I've been fasting from FB and from Twitter updates. I've taken a partial break from blogging. It's not because it's the "popular" thing to do either.

Since I am a writer, I interact with other writers and get ideas for writing by using FB and Twitter. I use social media for my work and calling and ministry. So for me to take a break or a fast from these doesn't make much sense from a human standpoint. It's risky. And to be honest, I miss interacting with with others. But it's worth it. Why?

Because I am more awake and alert. Agile. By tuning out the internet noise (don't get me wrong, I appreciate my FB friends and passing along good information on Twitter) I hear God's voice better. I can see better. It's a curative solution for my soul when it gets sluggish--when I take in more information than I can handle. It allows me to pay closer attention to God and to others and to the things I hear from the Spirit. Such a fast allows me to filter out the superficial and frees me from the tyranny of the urgent. It allows me to stare down loneliness.

My senses are heightened. I've become acutely aware of weaknesses and idols I was previously blind to. I confessed these to my husband Shawn just today while we ate lunch. I confessed them after confessing them to God last night.

Like someone in an AA meeting I've taken the first step in acknowledging who I am, in confessing my sins. And I wait for God to topple them--my idols--cooperating with him in whatever way necessary.

I think extended periods of silence and solitude--whatever form they take, are akin to Jesus' time in the wilderness. In these moments of silence and solitude our temptations are revealed to us and pull at us.  We see things we've not seen before because we're often too distracted.

We are reminded of our complete dependence on God.

Really I feel like a smoldering heap of nothingness for I'm acutely aware of how dependent I am on God for every little thing. Jesus says it's a good place to be but it doesn't feel so good. It leaves me feeling more vulnerable than ever.

But aren't I always this vulnerable just unaware of it?